Dealing with the father figure
by James Miller
I have seen it over and over again, and here is how it works:
You show an apartment or a house to a young couple, they love it and are anxious to rent or buy, but they want to bring their dad, step father, father in law, or other paternal type figure over to take a look at it. 90% of the time, this blows the deal. Here’s why…
We all play roles in our life, mother, daughter, teacher, golf pro, author, etc. When the young excited couple bring Dad over to see the place, he knows he is being brought over to evaluate, as he is the “expert” on such things. Even if he is not at all qualified, he is placed in this role, and feels a strong need to live up to it.
While the young couple is doing this to feel as though they are covering their bases and being as careful as possible, the truth is that they have already made their decision. What they really want Dad to do is to tell them what a great place they found, what a great deal it is and how smart and lucky they are for finding it.
Dad’s role is not one designed to placate. He instead feels a need to critically evaluate the place, point out any and every little issue he finds. This action, while making the young couple feel less secure about their decision, serves to validate his role. By it’s very nature, his role needs to be contrasting to theirs. He needs to serve as devils advocate.
For the Real Estate Investor or Landlord, the father figure is one of the worst characters to introduce late in the game. At best, they create points of contention, about the property, which easily turn into negotiating points. The father figure is not really objective, but critical, as for him to go into a place an not find anything means that he isn’t really serving a purpose. After all he if he doesn’t find anything, he isn’t doing his job. Right?
It is a different story if Dad comes along on the initial viewing. His role is on a more even playing field with the young couple. They are evaluating it together, before they fall in love with it. His role is less of a critical one and more supportive. Often times Dad will be the first one to commit to a place, and once committed, it is hard to change his mind.
Since the young couple has really already decided that they like the place before they bring Dad on the scene, his critical inspection also can cause arguments between them. This brings a whole negativity into their minds as they stand in the apartment or house. You don’t want their impression and feel for the place biased by the emotions brought out in argument.
How do we counteract the father figure?
Always be around when the father figure is there.
If you are in the apartment or house when the father figure is giving it the white glove treatment, it is much less likely that he will be as forthright in his observations. He will hold some comments back for the car ride home. Hopefully he forgets before they get to the car, but at least that negative impression is happening in the car and not in the home or apartment.
Get them to commit to it before letting Dad have a crack at it.
If you can get a down payment, or deposit from the young couple they will have mentally committed to it. If Dad later comes through with a bunch of reasons why they shouldn’t buy the place, they will actually respect his opinion less, as they are mentally tied to it. In psychology this is referred to as cognitive dissonance.
Use the “take away”.
The take away is a sales strategy where you start to tell a potential customer how the product may not be right for them, or how they may not want to go ahead with a purchase. If you are standing in the home with the young couple, Mom and Dad, and Dad starts going off about how the light fixture needs to be replaced. Just start telling them that if one little light fixture makes that much difference, maybe the place isn’t what they are looking for, and that you do have some other people who are interested.
Watch how fast dad starts back peddling when he realizes he is trashing the deal for his kids. His role of evaluator evaporates and he quickly starts thinking about how mad they will be at him.
I have to admit it is absolutely magical to see in action.
* I often refer to this role as the father figure, as it is more traditional. In reality it is can be any authoritative figure in the young couples life, regardless of gender.